The Dread Pirate Seamus

Lady Ysabeau de Taurion, Provost of Defense, East Kingdom

For reference:

Malagentia is southern Maine, and the Northguard is a mercenary company that exists largely in Maine but has some members scattered over the rest of the East - and a few other places too…

‘Twas the hot and dusty weekend
Of the 7th Great Northeastern War
When pirates stood to battle
On Malagentia’s fair shores
Two ships there were and proudly flew
The banners from their prows
To gain the other’s treasure
Was their most solemn vow

The ships sailed on through the high seas
And slowly wheeled about
‘Til broadside to each other
Then the grappling hooks were out
Curses vile were hurled forth
As the pirates drew their blades
Sunlight flashed from sharpened steel
As they readied the gangplanks

The galleons closed for battle
And the gangplanks were thrown down
Bellowing their defiance
The scoundrels sallied out
Blade clashed on blade and blood ran free
And one man lead the fray
A landless rogue, a pirate born
And Seamus was his name

Neither tall nor short was Seamus
Yet he had a commanding air
And certainly his men did follow
The beacon of his fiery red hair
That battle raged back and forth
For long hours through the day
But Brita and her crew were winning
Much to Seamus’ dismay

But then, Seamus saw the tide had turned
And he rallied forth his side
He led his men in a valiant rush
While poor Brita stood and tried
To guard the bags of loot that were
Stacked between her feet
Because Heaven knows on Northguard pay
You can’t afford to eat

Fair Brita fell dead where she stood
Defending her pile of gold
Seamus’ men ransacked her ship
And searched the cabins below
They brought forth all the loot they found
And dumped it in a pile
They cheerfully worked on through the night
Singing all the while;

“We’re thieves and killers and cut-throats
Our hearts are black and vile
We like to kill and loot and burn
Screams only make us smile….”
Seamus grinned cheerfully as he watched his crew
Dump the bodies from the ships
With fewer men, there’d be more gold
For the rest of them to split

And so Seamus was victorious
His men had carried the day
He himself had come out unscathed
From the bloody, mindless fray
And we in Malagentia
Live in fear and dread
That he had so much fun, he’ll come back next year
To loot and kill again.