Why Fencing Is Better Than Sex

Even ugly fencers score regularly.
In fencing you have a coach to tell you what you’re doing wrong, and you get to practice first before trying it out for real.
You can fence with strangers without getting a bad reputation and you don’t have to spend $30 in the bar getting to know them first.
You are not being insulting if you insist that your partner wear a mask.
No one expects a fencing bout to last much longer than two minutes and you don’t have to worry afterwards if the other fencer enjoyed it or not.
In fencing, you don’t have to get your own equipment until you decide you like it.
You usually fence in a big, brightly lit room with lots of people in it.
The person you’re fencing with won’t mind if your buddies stand around and cheer for you.
It doesn’t hurt if someone steps on your foil.
It is almost impossible to catch a disease from a fencing foil.
You can play with your foil in public and no one will laugh.
If your foil gets a funny bend in it, all you have to do is run it under your foot.
No one cares how long your foil is, and if it breaks you just go get a new one.
It is easy to get pretty girls to hold on to your foil.
Finally, and perhaps most significantly, in fencing, if your opponent doesn’t come, you win.